You Can Take My Face Off The Milk Carton

Can we talk? And not in a Joan Rivers kind of way…more of a I-need-to-tell-you-why-I-dropped-off-the-face-of-the-earth-briefly kind of way.

Remember when I had a job that was literally a hazard to my health? It was making me a crazy person crazier than I am on a usual basis. I was having nightmares about work, I was working non-stop, I had stress headaches continuously. Why am I telling you this? Because my mini-nervous breakdown is partially why I haven’t been around much. Why would you care? Uhh because you should…what are you, made of ice?

Good news, I finally landed my dream job and everything’s coming up HYP. I can have a normal life again…which means more of me in your life. This leads me to my main focus of this post. It seems that everyone has been missing me.

I had tens of tens of emails from adoring fans asking me about when I was going to post next.

I mean gah, I get it. You missed me. Enough with the incessant emails. It’s borderline pathetic. But if the emails weren’t bad enough, some of you took to Facebook to tell me how boring your lives were without me.

Now I know how other famous people feel. Am I not entitled to some semblance of a private life?

If that weren’t bad enough, TIME Magazine wrote an article on me and my supposed “disappearance”.

But I have to admit, the non-stop phone calls have been the worst. How did you guys even get my number? Oh, I’m sorry those calls were the Home Depot calling me for a payment on my credit card…it seems like the Internet wasn’t the only thing I was skipping out on.

The bottom line is that I am back and you can all STOP WITH THE HARASSMENT. I won’t leave you again…except when I leave for Italy for two weeks with The Pilot next Saturday.

The end.