You Can Take My Face Off The Milk Carton

by Hate You Probably on April 22, 2012

Can we talk? And not in a Joan Rivers kind of way…more of a I-need-to-tell-you-why-I-dropped-off-the-face-of-the-earth-briefly kind of way.

Remember when I had a job that was literally a hazard to my health? It was making me a crazy person crazier than I am on a usual basis. I was having nightmares about work, I was working non-stop, I had stress headaches continuously. Why am I telling you this? Because my mini-nervous breakdown is partially why I haven’t been around much. Why would you care? Uhh because you should…what are you, made of ice?

Good news, I finally landed my dream job and everything’s coming up HYP. I can have a normal life again…which means more of me in your life. This leads me to my main focus of this post. It seems that everyone has been missing me.

I had tens of tens of emails from adoring fans asking me about when I was going to post next.

I mean gah, I get it. You missed me. Enough with the incessant emails. It’s borderline pathetic. But if the emails weren’t bad enough, some of you took to Facebook to tell me how boring your lives were without me.

Now I know how other famous people feel. Am I not entitled to some semblance of a private life?

 

If that weren’t bad enough, TIME Magazine wrote an article on me and my supposed “disappearance”.

But I have to admit, the non-stop phone calls have been the worst. How did you guys even get my number? Oh, I’m sorry those calls were the Home Depot calling me for a payment on my credit card…it seems like the Internet wasn’t the only thing I was skipping out on.

The bottom line is that I am back and you can all STOP WITH THE HARASSMENT. I won’t leave you again…except when I leave for Italy for two weeks with The Pilot next Saturday.

The end.

 

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Top Five Answers Are On The Board…

by Hate You Probably on January 25, 2012

We have a lot to catch up on regarding my favorite topic: me. Well, just one thing in particular:

I have recently begun what I believe will be a short term obsession with The Family Feud app on my iPad. I say short term because I only ever briefly get involved on game apps…who could forget the Angry Birds fandango (March 1-19, 2011), or the Cut The Rope whirlwind love affair (June 22-30, 2011)? Right now, The Feud is all I eat, sleep, and breathe…for the time being. I blame Ray Combs (RIP) for this because I was briefly obsessed with him in the 80′s in addition to The Dons (It’s bullet number 10, if you don’t know that I was in love with Don Johnson and Don Henley as a little girl, you’re pretty much dead to me). I’ve also been informed that EVERY IDIOT THAT I KNOW ON FACEBOOK is also hooked on the feud which means I won’t stop getting notifications to help some dum dum out in the fast money round. I guess what I’m trying to say is: it’s been fun knowing ya, Family Feud…but if people on facebook are all about you then it’s probably about that time for me to leave. Why can’t I just have anything to myself?

 

Also, Louie Anderson can go directly to hell for ruining the sterling legacy that The Feud once enjoyed.

 

 

The end.

 

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I’m still alive, I promise.

January 19, 2012

So I have taken a slight hiatus from the world of blogging and twitter. Get off my case I had a lot of shit to do, ok? For one, I had to complete my masters degree so I could buy business cards that say “Hate You Probably, MA… Motherfucker” I have included a visual for [...]

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Open Letter To The Costco Hater

September 14, 2011

Guys. Some asshole sent me a nasty comment in response to my beloved Costco post. She gave me a fake email address, since I couldn’t privately humiliate her, I get to do it publicly. So, here it is. My response to her comment. I’ve included the comment as well for maximum reader enjoyment. sad to [...]

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Getting there is the worst part of the trip.

September 6, 2011

  What isn’t there to like about going new places, seeing the sites, eating local exotic food, drinking foreign booze and experiencing a different way of life? Absolutely nothing,  right? Wrong. The answer is getting there. Traveling is the worst thing that has repeatedly ever happened to me. But “getting there is half the fun!”– [...]

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I should start charging for my amazing ideas.

August 10, 2011

So I don’t know if you know this about me or not but, I like to have a good time. Wait. Let me amend that statement. Wherever I happen to be, so is the party.   Needless to say I get drunk with my friends at various exotic locales including but not limited to: hole [...]

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Seriously, TCAP, get your shit together.

June 30, 2011

So Chris Hansen’s recent video is creating quite the controversy. It got me thinking about Chris and how much I absolutely adore his program, To Catch A Predator (TCAP for those of us in the know).  If you know me even a little, you know that I am a humanitarian and I aim to improve [...]

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That’s Mrs. Michael Corleone to you.

June 2, 2011

Arguably, one of the most popular questions asked of children just might be, “what do you want to be when you grow up?”. Policeman! Doctor! Ballerina! Astronaut! Teacher! All common answers, right? Fairly benign, all respectable professions and totally legitimate career goals for a first grader.   So, given what you know about me, you [...]

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I wanted to be a millionaire.

May 25, 2011

Will you humor me for a moment? There is something I’ve always wanted to do and I am about to do it and I need you to FUCKING APPRECIATE IT. Ready? Ok, go!   Picture it: My childhood home. 1991. I am eight years old. My mom comes into my room with a checkbook. She [...]

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Keeping it real for Judgment Day.

May 18, 2011

Today’s post is from Princess Muffintop, my very first friend on twitter. And I fully agree with and endorse the viewpoints below. Hey guess what, guys?  Do you know what May 21st, 2011 is?  That’s right, it’s JUDGMENT DAY!  Some brilliant people over at familyradio.com have placed billboards across America to kindly inform everyone that [...]

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